You’ve been substance free for a number of months and notice that people tend to stand clear of you. The first thing to consider is whether you’ve done anything besides abstaining from your substance of choice. Have you heard the term dry drunk? It’s not a flattering term, and no harm is meant by using it here. The term relates to people who are no longer using a substance, but have’t made any behavioral changes. A person who hasn’t looked closely at themselves may not understand how they come across to others.
For example, you may not feel you are an angry person because you are so used to acting and reacting to life and situations in an aggressive manner. People in your circle of acquaintances may avoid you on purpose because of a behavior for which you are unaware. Substance abuse can wreak havoc on a person’s behaviors. Another behavior you may not be conscious of is neediness. Neediness can derive from a childhood in which your emotional and physical needs were not met.
Maybe you seem too emotional to others. They think they have to walk on eggshells around you, and that they have to worry you’ll take every little thing they say the wrong way. They don’t want to be responsible for your emotional state—it’s too much work. Perhaps you are overly dramatic. Nothing ever goes your way. It’s never your fault. People may offer you suggestions, but you never take any of them to heart, or follow through with them.
What can you do to make people like you? People are either going to like you or they’re not, but to increase the likelihood for making new friends, you can make a concerted effort to learn about yourself, to understand what is it that turns some people away. You might even have a mental health problem, that needs therapeutic attention and medication. Self work can be painful, and is best done with a therapist who’s there to guide and support you with tools for change.
In order for people to like you, you have to learn to like yourself. Through patience and kindness towards yourself, you’ll slowly begin the arc of change. Know this—you are loveable.
“I accept myself and create peace in my mind and heart. I now choose to free myself from all destructive fears and doubts. I am loved and I am safe.”—Louise Hay
Infinity Malibu recognizes that those of us struggling from substance abuse need a safe place to begin healing. When you enter our magnificent hillside estate, and welcomed by our licensed staff, you will know you’ve found the right environment to begin your infinite recovery. 888-266-9048