Many of us in recovery are people pleasers. Most likely we learned our behavior from childhood experiences in which we could have been ignored, unloved or even abused. By pleasing others we hoped to ward off any untoward emotional or physical abuse. When we tried to please others we could have been attempting to get recognized as being a good little boy or girl. If love from our parents was not forthcoming, we may have tried to please them all the more.
Eventually we grew up, and were people who had an addiction to drugs or alcohol, became substance free or sober, but continued to search for love. In childhood we might have been hit or yelled at for saying something our parents perceived as wrong. Little kids aren’t clairvoyant. We didn’t always know what are parents wanted to hear. There were too many mixed messages our undeveloped minds couldn’t handle.
In adulthood we still craved love and attention, and realized that we lied about things on a constant basis because we were afraid to say the wrong thing. We lied because we sought approval and recognition. Being conditioned to lie to protect ourselves when we were kids was understandable. Perhaps our own parents were liars, and it was hard to tell right from wrong.
According to research, most people lie about 11 times a week. If this is true, then what comprises lying? Lying is on a spectrum. It can be: saying yes when you want say no, downplaying failures, exaggerating accomplishments, spreading rumors, being sneaky, going along with the crowd, giving false compliments, saying everything will be ok when we don’t think it will. Lying is telling an untruth.
We lie for any number of reasons. We lie because we want to be accepted, liked and loved. We lie if we feel our self-esteem is threatened. When we lie we are deceiving ourselves and others. We may think we have it all covered, but eventually lying will lower our already low self-esteem. When we tell the truth our self-esteem can improve and we can feel better about ourselves. When we start telling the truth we free ourselves. Telling the truth is living in reality. When we get sober, it is the only place to be.
“When a woman tells the truth, she creates the possibility for more truth around her.”–Adrienne Rich
Getting sober requires that we stop lying to ourselves and others. You have the courage. Infinite Malibu offers exemplary treatment. Come into our rehab and open up your life again. 888-266-9048