What to Do When Your Spouse Wants a Divorce?

You’re in recovery and doing everything you can to stay sober. You return from rehab, or one night you come home from a fellowship meeting, only to discover your spouse wants a divorce. You’re feeling vulnerable and fragile enough without this devastating news. Whatever the reasons are for your spouse wanting a divorce, chances are, there’s not going to be an answer that will satisfy you. You can, however ask him or her if they will at least agree to see a couples counselor. Your spouse may balk at this, but give it a try because it will afford you some time to come to grips with heartache and anger.

You already know that maintaining your sobriety has to be your number one objective throughout the extreme disruption a divorce can cause your in your life. It’s important to take as best care of your mental health as possible, whether you’re going to see a couples counselor or not. Aside from seeking couples counseling, your can opt to have a therapist of your own. Your therapist can help you understand, cope and get through this terrible tie. You may experience the five stages of grief and loss, as first described by Elisabeth Kübler- Ross. They are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Not coincidentally, you might already be tackling these stages as you come to terms with the toll an addiction had on you.

Some ideas for helping you cope with a divorce include: not minimizing the impact it has on you; allowing yourself to feel anger, but not letting the anger run your life—healing will come. Realize that bargaining or begging your spouse to return to you may only backfire, and cause you more grief. Reach out to others who’ve been through a divorce. Be mindful of falling into depression. You want to feel your feelings, but not let them consume you—notice the roiling river, but don’t jump in.

In recovery, acceptance often comes first, but in a divorce it may come last. There is no straight line. You may feel angry one day, grief the next—divorce can be like a big scribble. You’ll be ok, even if you don’t think you will. That’s because you’re sober—and sobriety is the greatest accomplishment!

“People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.”—

Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

Divorce during recovery is tough, but with the coping strategies you’ll learn at Infinity Malibu, you’re bound to make it through. Come here to heal, to get to know yourself and all your potential for infinite sobriety. 888-266-9048

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